Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



What was the plan again?

Because of death we appreciate life #18

You are in your 40s or 50s, and maybe you are facing one of those, ‘life needs to start over again moments.’

Decisions like finding a place to live in an expensive rental market, eating, finances, what parts of your life you take with you, and those you don’t. In fact the concept of the new is quite foreign, and you do not even know where to start.

The only thing you do know is things need to be different, and this is the compulsion driving you forward.

But as you look back, you wonder how it is you are in the situation you are now in. You may even be thinking along the lines of this quote by Gilda Radner:

 “I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.”

According to Wikipedia, Gilda Radner (June 28, 1946 – May 20, 1989) was an American actress and comedian, who was one of the seven original cast members for the NBC sketch comedy show Saturday Night Live (SNL), which established her as an iconic figure in the history of American comedy. She was married to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, actor, Gene Wilder, and died of ovarian cancer.

Things kind of go ‘pear shaped’ for many people in this world, everyday, but that offers no relief, when you are in the middle of it yourself. You may go to the ‘at least I am not………,’ and go to the myriad of people you know who are worse off, but at the end of the day, your reality is your reality.

It takes up all of your emotional energy, and is very much your present.

You may find yourself feeling regret, maybe even guilt, perhaps going down into a ‘hole’ where you wonder if there is any escape. It could be for a while, you may need to feel and even own these feelings, as it is from here we learn the lessons we need to learn.

But the challenge is not to stay there, at the bottom of the hole, for too long.

Your future, whatever that may be, is beckoning, and so take the learnings, particularly the ones that will make you a better person, and instead of having to claw your way back up  to the top of the hole again, you may find a trap door at the bottom, you will be able to calmly walk through.

I believe there is this realisation in the quote from Gilda Radner today, where she has acknowledged that perhaps the perfect life does not exist. There is just too much pressure on us to expect anything else. 

It is not a matter of IF struggles will come, but WHEN. We can be ready when they do, and travel through them.

It perhaps is also true, we find out what we are truly made of in these times. If life was all plain sailing, there would be no opportunity for growth.

If we do overcome, we may surprise ourselves with our ability to rise above, when there are challenges.

We then may be able to help others through their struggles, and in the process be a positive influence in our small part of the world..

Maybe the take away is to have a plan, but to not be surpised by the detours. Enjoy this clip from Gilda Radner.

The commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.  

Photo by Emily Morter on Unsplash









Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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