Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



If death is inevitable, why is it scary?

Because of death, we appreciate life #22

Come on Trevor, why would you ask such a question!!

I mean, where I am now right now, I am nowhere near the ‘death thing.’

Oh hang on a minute … but I am not invincible … oh right …

Maybe I should keep reading … I think …

Maybe this quote by iconic UK artist, Francis Bacon, known for his graphic images, that delve down into the deepest part of us, challenging and provoking our souls:

‘Men fear Death, as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other.’

It would seem the fear of death is a common human experience. This is why given the title of this blog, we may give it a wide berth, as something we get to later, if at all.

Bacon likens the fear to the fear children have of the dark.

As adults we almost find this laughable; after all, we are used to the dark, and may even look forward to the lengthening shadows and the sacredness of night.

But when, as parents, we have the eyes of our child pleading how scared they are, we sit with them, chase the monsters away from under the bed, or in the wardrobe, and assure them there is noting to be scared of.

And bit by bit they become accustomed to the dark.

Death, on the other hand, is a bit of a stretch.

After all, it is not an experience we are used to. There is no growing accustomed to it, nor anyone, well normally anyway, who has experienced it, and lived to tell the tale.

Can you imagine the tale … ‘Yes I have been to death … it was not so bad … kind of a walking towards the light.’

And no monsters!

As a listener to such a tale you might be thinking, ‘well that’s not quite so bad. Maybe nothing to be scared of.’

But no there is no such lived experience.

So therefore, it remains hiding under the bed and we put off looking under there, for as long as possible.

Well maybe there is a different, perhaps better way.

Death will find us one day and maybe the better thing to do is to realise and make peace with the fact it will. That way, when it does, it will not be as much a surprise, not only for you, but also for those around you.

One of the things those who remain will need going forward is memories. So a thought could be to create them each and every day. Tell your story, and start to weave into your future your legacy, the part of your life that will continue when you are no longer here.

To leave a life of no regrets, nothing left undone or not experienced and to know you have made the best of the precious numbered days you have. 

And when the time comes, you will be able to leave knowing you have made your, and those around you, days really count.

In this way, we can truly say, most imporantly to ourselves, beacuse of death, I have appreciated life.

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo courtesy of The Evening Standard, UK

 To find out more about Francis Bacon, please visit


Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

If you like to keep informed of my latest news, please subscribe to my monthly email newsletter, by clicking the link below.