Grief is, because love is #15

We are going into the ‘darkness of humanity’ with this blog. Before I continue, for families reading this, who have experienced a death through suicide, I am truly sorry, and on saying this, seems trite in the face of the devastation you are feeling. For any who may be reading this, contemplating suicide, although your world may have gone past the point of no return, and hope has disappeared, I trust these words may give you pause to reconsider, and maybe talk with someone before it is too late. Because once a suicide is carried out, that is it, life has come to an end, death is the result.

Jess (or it could be a Justin) had just celebrated her 18th birthday. The family had the get together birthday last week, and there were glowing speeches and photos of the life yet to come. Jess was now an adult, had her licence and even a car, uni was sorted, all seemed good; a bright future.

Tonight was the friends get together, and after the goodbyes, Jess went out for the evening. Independence was blooming.

Her parents woke the next morning and got into their morning routine. They weren’t expecting Jess to emerge for a while, and thought best to leave her in peace to sleep. It got to 1 pm, and Dad thought it might be good to check in on their 18 year old. Jess was not there. Oh well, Mum and Dad decided, she has probably slept at a friend’s house. They texted and called, but there was no answer. They waited a little bit longer, and still no response. They rang around; no-one had seen her.

This was all quite strange, and after an hour of deliberating they called the police. Three hours later there was a knock at door. Two uniformed police officers were standing there. “May we come in. We have some news for you.”  They go inside and the officers continue “We have located the car belonging to your daughter, and inside we found your daughter. I am sorry, but she has died. We do not know how, but she left this note.”

This tragic news has not hit yet. The parents read the note. It speaks of bullying when she was at school, bullying online, failing that subject at uni, the breakup with the boy (they did not even know about) and the overwhelming sadness she was constantly feeling. She needed to get out, death would stop the pain.

This was not their daughter Jess, it must be someone else. The officers continue “We need you to accompany us to the coroner, to identify the body.”  The police car ride was a blur, it was all quite surreal. They enter the morgue, and see the covered body on the table. It was not until the body was uncovered, and they saw their daughter, a full of life 18 year old, lying there, cold and pale, that the dreaded realisation hit; Jess was dead, suicide!!!!!!   WHY??????????

We will leave the story there. Following this tragedy, there would be the funeral, the leering looks, the questions, the police investigation; the guilt, and that is without the grief journey, although critical, which would be unbearable. The marriage may not survive.

Make no mistake, SUICIDE = DEATH. It does not matter how many shows you watch like Supernatural, or The Avengers, or Game of Thrones, where there are regular ‘coming back from the dead’ sequences. Death is the end; suicide is perhaps the worst possible thing to happen to a human being; taking your own life. Life has got so desperate, it seems the only solution.

I am feeling drawn in this blog, to speak to those contemplating. You may have bought the means, and planned the time. Please know that if you continue this act, despite what you may think, you are going to bring untold devastation to those who love you. It is not anyone’s fault you are contemplating suicide, it is a selfish and heartless act. It may bring resolution to your life, but pain to everyone else’s. Talk it out, I beg you.

I know this may be a very simplistic view of what is a complicated and increasingly common scenario. But maybe we need to say ‘no’ more often. Perhaps we all need to swallow our pride and have these awkward conversations. Maybe such a discussion could have saved the life of Jess, who has now left her Mum and Dad in an unbearable situation. There will probably never be an adequate answer to WHY??????? By writing in this way, I am not minimising suicide in any form, and would welcome any comments you may have.

Love……is it worth the risk? There is just so much that can go wrong; there is a growing number of ways in which it can end, before we are ready. What is the balance to this risk? The absolute joy of being the most important person in someone else’s life. This is the irony of being human. But it is an irony that can lead to surprises and shocks.

The commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo by Andrew Measham on Unsplash