Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



Silence Progressing

Is there anybody out there? #34

This blog continues on the series ‘Is there anybody out there?” Feel free to read the previous chapters here

You have been neighbours for twenty years. You noticed something was up, and you had plucked up the courage to go and visit your neighbour Molly. Dates with Patrick had become common now, and it seemed like Molly was embracing this new experience. It was time to tell her family.

It had only seemed a few months ago, that Molly; daughter, Jessica; and yourself had been here for lunch. At that time, it had been a time for celebration, as mother and daughter had reconciled, and been able to talk about the time when Dad and Husband had died. There had also been discussion about Jessica’s initmate life, with her husband. There had been many realisations that day.

Now you were back with brand new information, and given it was about a new love for Molly, it was going to be interesting to see how the conversation was going to go. There had been tension in the past, and the surprise it was going to be, may add to it. After all, Molly was engaging with a new man, someone coming after Jessica’s Dad.

You and Molly had not really spoken about how breaking the news was going to work, and so you were unsure how Molly intended to proceed, and so you were preparing yourself for anything.

‘How have you been Jessica?’ started Molly, ‘it has been a while.’

‘Oh Mum,’ replied Molly, ‘I cannot thank you enough for talking to me about time with hubby. I had been so foolish, to think I could control this aspect of our life. Our marriage has been transformed. Thank you Mum.’

She looked over to you as well, ‘and thank you for being there for Mum.’

‘It has been eye opening, that is for sure,’ you reply, ‘I have much to thank Molly for as well.’

Jessica was giving both of you a knowing look, and just came out with it, ‘Ok Mum, I know there is some news, out with it.’

This took Molly by surprise, and so she was trying to find some words. She was looking over to you for some help.

‘Well I suppose there is news, Jessica,’ you started, ‘and it is a little sensitive. Just one of those once in a lifetime conversations, isn’t that right Molly?’

Molly was continuing to look awkward, and then started, ‘well there is some news. I quite don’t know how to say it, but I suppose it is rather big. I am hoping you will understand.’

Jessica reached out and grabbed her Mum’s hand, ‘what is it Mum. Maybe the best thing to do is to just say it.’

You were watching the conversation without words starting to unfold; Jessica had an understanding look on her face.

‘Well,’ started Molly, ‘it might come as a bit of a surprise.’

‘What is it Mum?’ as Jessica held Molly’s hand tighter.

‘I have………have…….have, kind of…….met someone.’

All was silent for a while, and you braced yourself for Jessica’s response.

Jessica could not hide her surprise, and the words just spilled out, ‘What did you say?’

‘His name is Patrick, and we have been seeing each other quite a bit of late.’

Jessica looked over at you, and you nodded.

‘Wow, really,’ is all Jessica could say.

You thought now, as the time to talk about the concerns, you were having up until recently, ‘there has been many a conversation about whether it was too soon, Jessica. In fact I took some convincing.’

You smiled at Molly, hoping she would enter into the conversation, but she still seemed a loss for words. All he could do is smile. Jessica had a look of concern in her face.

‘As it turns out, both your Mum and Patrick were looking for the same thing.’

‘What was that Mum?’ asked Jessica.

Molly was still at a loss for words, and so you continued, ‘your Mum was ready to put a new love, next to the love she still has for your Dad. She still wants love in her life. And for Patrick, he wants a new love to follow, what were horrible circumstances for him.’

‘Mum……’ said Jessica.

Molly knew she had to come up with something, ‘I love your Dad, I always will,’ said Molly as she wiped away a tear, ‘my love for him is everlasting.’

‘But…….’stuttered Jessica.

‘But he has gone. He has left me alone,’ continued Molly, ‘but I don’t want to be alone. I am so lonely.’

Jessica had not let go of her Mum’s hand, as Molly continued, ‘he is so kind, Jessica. He understands. He has been hurt. We kind of get each other.’

‘Oh Mum,’ said Jessica, ‘I don’t want you to be lonely. I don’t think Dad would want that either.’

Jessica was speaking to herself, as she said those words, ‘no I don’t think he would.’

You could see that Jessica’s face was softening a little, and then Molly replied, ‘there has been so much talk, so much talk about your Dad, so much talk about his wife. Patrick does not really want to remember, and he is working his way through that, but he understands that I do. Your Dad, will always be a part of me.’

Jessica stared to cry as she heard those words, ‘so Dad will be there, together with Patrick.’

Molly placed her other hand on her daughter’s, ‘if it is love, and I kind of feel it is, this will need to be my priority, but there will always be space, for your Dad to come as well, in my memories.’

You were watching the conversation unfold; Molly looked over at you, ‘do you remember what you said about love?’

‘That we really can’t turn love off. It will always be there.’

Jessica looked over at you, ‘You have been so good with Mum. I suppose there has been a lot of talk.’

‘I had got protective, it would seem,’ as you smiled at Molly, ‘and it took time for me to be convinced. I was wondering whether it was too soon. But the more we talked, and the more I saw the conviction is her eyes, the more I realised it was the the real deal. I have met him a couple of times, and seen them together.’

As you were talking, you were realising how invested you had become in the relationship with Molly. You had been through much.

Then you added,’ I am convinced, Jessica. I really am.’

Molly smiled at you, ‘Patrick and I have agreed to go and talk with someone as well. We are sure matters will come up, but we want to do all we can to get it to work.’

Jessica looked at you, the she looked at her Molly, ‘Ok Mum. You have me convinced as well.’

Jessica paused, ‘and have my blessing.’

It was like the restaurant had disappeared for a moment. It was just the three of you in your own world. 

Jessica stood up, and offered her hands out to her Mum. 

Molly stood up and hugged her daughter.

Molly looked over to you and whispered, ‘thank you.’ 

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.


Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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