Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



Love through Silence

Is there anybody out there? #15

This blog continues on the series ‘Is there anybody out there?” Feel free to read the previous chapters here

You have been neighbours for twenty years. You noticed something was up, and you had plucked up the courage to go and visit your neighbour Molly. Much has happened ove the last few porch sessions, not only with Molly, but with her fmily and also with you. It was time to consolidate where conversation had gone.

Restrictions had eased a little in the COVID-19 climate, and for the first time, Molly took you down to the cafe spot for the weekly porch session. Last week had been revolutionary, particularly for Molly’s daughter, Jessica, and I suppose you were a little to keen to hear what had eventuated from the breakthrough. Molly starts the conversation.

“Wow! What a week it was at lunch last week. I felt it went really well. Thank you for being there.”

“Yes” you reply, “I was a bit uncertain about how it was going to go, but in the end it seemes quite straight forward. Going outside was a great idea of yours.”

Molly continued “And I know what you are thinking. How is Jessica? Well I have not heard anything from her since lunch, but I have a bit of a hunch there have been changes.”

“Well if anything comes from it, I only need to know if it comes up naturally. At then end of the day it is an intimate matter between husband and wife. I just know the massive difference it had made for us” you reply.

“There is one thing I was wondering though Molly” you continue; “so much has happened over the last few weeks, and I feel like I need a consolidating conversation. What do you think?”

“Yes I agree with that” replied Molly, “it would be good to reflect on the journey so far.”

“There is one thing though” continued Molly, I still miss him terribly. Sometimes I can’t bear to be in our bed on my own. When it come to bedtime, I often find lots of little things to do; I am kind of putting it off. Sometimes I will stand at the door for a while.”

“He is still significant to you, it seems” you respond. “Maybe that feeling will always be there a little. But I reckon that is OK, as maybe love cannot really be turned off.”

“What did you say?” Molly quicky responded.

“Oh that you cannot really turn love off. Was that it?” you reply.

“Oh may goodness” replied Molly “I am still in love with him.”

She paused for a second “I thought the love would die with him, but no, it is still there. I am still in love with him!”

She starts to tear.

“How can this be? Please tell me?” Molly pleads.

This development is a bit of a suprise to you as well, and not something you had really considered. You were not really sure what to say next. The ‘can’t turn love off comment’ had come out of left field.

“I don’t know Molly. I wish I had an answer for you. But I must admit, I am a bit lost for words.” you venture.

Molly sits silent for a moment and then says “You know love is s strange thing. It never really ends well. There is either a bust up, or a death, leaving the one left behind, feeling rather devastated. Gee love is quite a risk.”

This though had not really occured to you either, but it made sense.

“Well then maybe love is not worth the risk, if it has such a horrible ending” you add.

As you pull up to the cafe, you notice the mood has lightened a little.

“I love this place” Molly says. “And I still love him. I think my life has been richer because of my love for him, and his love for me.”

She pauses.

“So……….maybe love is worth the risk, because although love does not end well, the journey of love is fantastic. I think I would go there again, it I had my time over.”

Something about what Molly has just said really resonates with you.

“Yes, I think so too” you reply.

“Which then makes me think” continues Molly “Would I love again?”

“Do you think you could?” you respond.

“Well I just don’t know. The situation would need to be right. But I suppose I know what love can be.”


You both go to your regular table, and order coffees.

 This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash



Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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