Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



Grief and the changed relationship

Grief is, because love is #4

As I have shared in the past, when someone dies, although they may no longer be physically, they still are emotionally and certainly in our memories…..

We are so used to having the person around, that to actually come to the point that they have died, does not sit quite right. We think to ourselves “No, this is just temporary, and they will be back soon.” But the ‘back soon’ does not eventuate. It becomes quite a surreal and ‘this cannot be happening’ experience.

“It has been said that ‘death ends a life but not a relationship. New understanding of bereavement has shown that ‘continuing bonds’ develop between the bereaved and the deceased . Memories, dreams and mental conversations may bring comfort and strength, and it is no longer considered helpful to push people into forgetting and moving on from their loss. Finding a place in our hearts for people who have died is another way of expressing this idea.”

In other words talk about them, use their name, talk about how they would have reacted in a given situation, is a great thing to do, even though it does not feel natural. “I wonder what ……..would have thought about this” or “…………..would have loved this.”

And let’s give our friends, who may not quite know what to say, permission, to use the deceased’s name. It could be that what is normally a solitary and confining experience, could become a little more shared. You all will be able to look back knowing that you truly were there for each other.

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo by Tamara Bellis on Unsplash



Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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