Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



Grief, a new normal?

Grief is, because love is #2

This blog is a continuation of a series about grief. To start off with, a quote, again from Dr Colin Murray Parkes (see post #1) of St Christopher Hospice in London:

“In the ongoing flux of life, man (or woman) undergoes many changes. Arriving, departing, growing, declining, achieving, failing – every change involves loss and a gain.

The old environment must be given up, the new accepted. People come and go; one job is lost, another begun; territory and possessions are acquired and sold; new skills are learnt, old abandoned; expectations are fulfilled and hopes dashed – in all these situations the individual will need to give up one mode and accept another.

If he (or she) identifies the change as a gain, acceptance may not be hard, but when it is a loss or a ‘mixed blessing’ he (or she) will do their best to resist the change. Resistance to change, the reluctance to give up possessions, people, status, expectations – this I believe is the basis of grief.”

To me, and I am no psychiatrist, the description seems so absolute, almost clinical. There is not much space, it would seem for the ‘rough and tumble’ of the grief journey. But at the same time we do not call out a loss for what it is; we try to ‘sugar coat’ it to soften the blow somehow. We call a death ‘passing away’ when sometimes we need to hear “……….has died.”

Although this quote is clinical, as you would expect from a medical professional, there is also some wisdom which requires the loss to be at least accepted. This is a healthy approach to loss.

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.


Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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