Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



Friendly Silence

Is anybody out there? #7

This blog continues on the series ‘Is there anybody out there?” Feel free to read the previous chapters here

You have been neighbours for twenty years. You noticed something was up, and you had plucked up the courage to go and visit your neighbour Molly. What was awkward silence, has become a freindly silence, and a special bond has formed.

The visit to Molly’s special spot had gone really well last time, and so ‘The Porch Sessions’ was relocating down to the beachside cafe. The week had come around again, and you find yourself following Molly’s car down for a cuppa. It was a beautiful day, and so you were looking forward to it, and to where the conversation may go today. Again,  you remind yourself, Molly is in the midst of grief, and you really don’t know how she is feeling, so make no assumptions.

The beach was stunning, and it was just beckoning for a walk.

“Hi Molly” you venture, “Have you ever walked along the jetty over there?”

“You know, we would often talk about it. But we never really got around to it. We just preferred to just sit and watch the world go by. But you know, it is a beautiful day, and I reckon a jetty walk might be just the thing. There is a first time for everything.”

So the two of you head over and start the walk down. You start to talk, but then note, Molly seems to be in another place. She has gone to her memories.

“Oh we should have done this” Molly suddenly says, “He would have loved it. But it is funny, even thought we never did this walk, I can just imagine walking with him. I was whisked away, and I nearly grabbed your hand.”

“That would have been OK Molly. But thanks for the warning. Coming down here is really bringing it all back for you. How wonderful.”

You get the the end, and as you are looking out over the water, Molly starts to cry. “If only his hand were still here.”

No words need to be said. You are both lost in the moment.

“You know, last time we met, I was all ready to head back to our bed. I remember that night, just standing at the door to our bedroom. I ventured to take a step in, but I couldn’t do it. I stood there for an hour, I just couldn’t do it, and so I went back to the horrible fold out bed, and didn’t sleep that night.” (This follows on from conversation last time)

“The following morning, I remembered what you said, and how you were going to ask me next time, if I had slept in our bed. And so after breakfast, I went back in, and without thinking too much, I ventured in and lay down. Oh what a beautiful place it is, and I slept for four hours. It is the best sleep I have had, since………..”

You just gently smile.

“In fact I ended up hugging his pillow. His smell was still on it, and it felt comfortable. And ever since that day, I have been back in the bed. And I suppose like our spot down here, the precious memories are overtaking the sadness. How fortunate for me to have had this experience, and I suppose if I had my time again, I would.”

“You mean when you ‘set the sheets alight’?” you add, recalling a previous comment Molly made.

“Yes definitely” replies Molly.

“You know this has been rather inspirational for me, talking with you” you venture.

“I have not been trying very hard in this area of my marriage. I think I need to ‘go shopping’ on the way home, and send ‘a text’ to hubby. I know he is free tonight, and so am I. Time to step it up a notch or two.”

Molly smiles. There seems to be a shared experience here. A place where feelings have connected.

“You know. There was another problem that emerged from sleeping our bed” says Molly. “The wardrobe, his clothes, and all of his stuff. Then there is his laptop, and I know he blogged quite a bit. Do you think you could help me go through it?”

You think for a while. “I reckon this could be an opportunity for your children to be involved. There would be clothes, the shed, computer, and other bits. Why not go through his stuff with them. You have a shared history, and shared memories, and it could be just the thing to bring you together, and be a support for you. What do you think?”

“Yes great idea…………and yes you can ask me next time whether I have invited them over. But be gentle.”

“Well” says Molly “I reckon you better go shopping. I may just hang down here for a while. And if it is OK, I will ask you next time……….?”

“Touche” you say “Yes some accountability might be good I am thinking.”

“Don’t worry about accountability. I want to smell smoke!”

You both laugh.

As you leave, you think to yourself. ‘Not only have I been a help, but I have also go so much back. How wonderful.’

After shopping, and on arriving home, you notice flowers on the camellia.

Time for some preparations for a night of memories.

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo by Karina Carvalho on Unsplash



Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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