Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



Comfortable Silence

Is anybody out there? #4

This blog continues on the series ‘Is there anybody out there?” Feel free to read the previous chapters here

You have been neighbours for twenty years. You noticed something was up, and you had plucked up the courage to go and visit your neighbour Molly. What was awkward silence, is becoming comfortable silence.

Since your last conversation a week ago, you have seen a lot more or Molly, out in her garden, pulling up some weeds. Family had been around to mow the lawns. Things were ‘feeling’ a little more positive. But then, you think ‘I wonder how she is missing him. It must be hard at night. Let’s see how the conversation goes next time.’

The time for the usual catch up has arrived, and this time Molly is waiting for you, cuppa in hand, out in her front garden.

“Gee this virus thing is taking a while. Who knows how long it is going to take” you say. Molly just nods. “It has been great to see you out the front garden, it is looking lovely. I see you have planted some new plants. What is that one? I have not seen it before. Not that I am much of a gardener.”

“Oh that is a camellia, one of his favourite plants. I went up to our nursery and picked out a new one. I am going to have to watch though, as they can be a bit  temperamental. They can get a bit of a size, so I am hoping for it to become a bit of a feature, kind of like a in memorial thing.”

“Wow, if anything I can do to help. Let me know.” Well says Molly “Feel free to put water on it at any time. Just the right amount. Use the hose over there.”

“Great I will do that. How was the visit down to ‘your spot’ the last week?” (at the end of the last blog, Molly suddenly felt the need to go to where her and husband would go every Sunday)

“You know I was paranoid about going there. I was scared of how I might feel when I got there. It was such a special place for us, I did not want to spoil that. But at first it was sad. I just sat in the car, and cried for a while. But then his face, came into my mind, and this place together, and the feeling of sadness, became a feeling of beautiful memories. I suppose our spot, which it will always be, will always be a place that brings me happiness. Of course at the moment they are just doing takeaways, but that is OK.”

You pause for a moment. The couple of minutes silence feels OK. You need time to process. As it is one of those moments.

“Wow, so it is still a place of happiness? Was that a surprise?”

“Yes I suppose it was. I am sorry I left so abruptly last time. I suppose the urge came on all of a sudden. Wow, maybe we have learned something today. Maybe the memories can overshadow the sadness. The sadness will still be there, but so will the memories. I will just hold the two together.”

“That is fine Molly. You made me happy.”

“And I suppose I would not have even considered it, if it had not been for you” says Molly “Maybe you have saved my life a little, just by being here. Thank you”

‘Wow’ you think. ‘What a beautiful thing to say.’

“Thank you Molly. It has been a journey for me as well. Just so you know, we did have holidays planned for a couple of weeks. We have a shack we are going to. So if it is OK, I am going to need a couple of weeks. But I will definitely put some water on the camellia before we go.”

“Yes we all need a break. Have a great time, and I will look forward to when we catch up next. I am feeling a little more positive, and will start to do some more things. I will try and work out this Zoom ™  thing, as I have been receiving emails with invitations. I will get my son to help.”

Molly paused an then added “Hey let’s call our time together The Porch Sessions. What do you think?”

A smile wells up within you “Yes, The Porch Sessions. That sounds wonderful.”

As you leave, you are thankful for these times. ‘The Porch Sessions. Perfect. Can’t wait to see the camellia, when we get back.”

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo by Christina @ on Unsplash



Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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