Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



Celebratory Silence

Is there anybody out there? #12

This blog continues on the series ‘Is there anybody out there?” Feel free to read the previous chapters here

You have been neighbours for twenty years. You noticed something was up, and you had plucked up the courage to go and visit your neighbour Molly. Things had got very awkward recently, but ‘maybe’ things had turned a corner. There was a lunch invitation today.

As Molly had said, it was dress up day and to “expect a car” for lunch. And sure enough at 11.30 a big white limo pulled up at the front of your house. You are thinking ‘surely this is not the car’ but then you notice Molly and her daughter Jessica, walking out to it.

What do to?

Molly is looking around, it seems for you, and so this must be ‘the car.’

And so you walk out to meet her, and sure enough she invites you in.

“This is very nice” you say. “I have never been in a limo before.”

Jessica is already seated. “You know with all the social distancing it made sense.”

Mother and Daughter were smiling, but because of what happened last time, you felt uneasy.

It’s Jessica who breaks the ice “I need to say sorry for who I acted last week. You have been so good to Mum, and I treated you horribly. But because of you, Mum and I have had a bit of a breakthrough, and we are closer than we have ever been.”

“Yes” says Molly “and because of this, we need to celebrate. And you just have to be a part of it.”

Tears well up in your eyes. You are still not so sure.

Jessica continued “Mum has told me everything. About the special place at the beach, how she has not been able to sleep in the bed, how guilty she was when we could not go through the stuff with her family, nor really share with us. But you have been there for her. You have literally saved her life. So please, you are our honoured guest today.”

You start to relax, and then add because it felt right to do so “You know, back when I was wonderfing whether I should visit you Molly, I did not really know what to do. I had to keep reminding myself that you has lost your husband, your life partner, and I can’t possibly know what that is like.”

Molly smiled and added “But you have been perfect.”

“Well that is all I can ask for, I suppose” you add. “It is really nice to be invited out for lunch.”

Molly then continued “And we have been able to go through his stuff. Jessica has been a great help. One of our family is a librarian, and she has offered to go through the laptop and catalogue all of the blogs. It will be great to read these when they are in some kind of order.”

Then you add “Fantastic, this is a wonderful outcome, and so right.”

As the limo climbs the hills, and what is another beautiful day, you reflect on what an up and down journey this has been. You think ‘would I do this again?’ and then you think about how it has been a two way life changing experience, and so the answer is an overwhelming yes. This brings a smile to your face. You can fully relax in the moment. A celebration of mother and daughter truly coming together, and a celebration of their life together.

As you arrive at the restaurant, Jessica gets out first. 

Molly whispers “She does not really know about the ‘set the sheets on fire thing’ but I think she needs a nudge in this area. I don’t think it is a mother conversation, but she is in such a good mood, the time might be right. Do you think……..?”

“What me?” you exclaim.

“Yes why not?” Molly gently replies. “You seem to understand now. You may be able to explain as it is your experience. I know you don’t like talking about yourself, but as you have found, it has been life changing.”

“Well it has. And I have you to thank Molly.” 

Then you pause “But if you could lead in with something, as kind of a doorway into this topic, that will probably help. I am not quite sure how it will come out, but we will see how it goes.”

“That is probably the best way” adds Molly “maybe wait for dessert.”

“Ok. Thank you for your trust with this. You will handle any fallout.”

“Yes, you can trust me with that” Molly replies.

And so together you make your way to lunch.  

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo by Phil Schulte on Unsplash



Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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