Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



‘Can I really?’ Silence

Is there anybody out there? #27

This blog continues on the series ‘Is there anybody out there?” Feel free to read the previous chapters here

You have been neighbours for twenty years. You noticed something was up, and you had plucked up the courage to go and visit your neighbour Molly. A little while back, Molly shared how love may be an option and had brought it up again, and since ‘Patrick’ (although only a brief meeting) had come into the world. He was now joining you and Molly for coffee.

So Patrick has sat down. Where once he was looking in from a distance, he had now sat. You just smiled.

Molly opened the conversation. ‘It is so nice of you to come back. Would you like a coffee?’

As he nodded, Molly looked to you ‘would you please order us all one?’

As you leave to order, you hear hushed tones. The conversation had started. And so you took your time.

As you return, you hear ‘and we used to come down here every week at this very time. I have very fond memories of this place, and it is good I have been able to come back.’

Patrick was a little more engaged. As you put the coffees down, he took a sip and added ‘I wish my story was a nice as yours, Molly. As I have already shared, she went off with another guy. It had been a little bit of time, and when I got home, I noticed bags packed, and she handed me divorce papers. And that was it.’

You all paused for a moment, and then you added ‘Well there is no judgement here Patrick, all that matters right now, is that you have come back. Was it hard?’

‘Well, it took me a while to leave the house. I had been dressed for an hour, but I just sat there. I don’t know why exactly.’

He paused for a moment ‘I think maybe I am scared it will happen again, and so I am finding it difficult to trust. The thought of even sitting with another woman seems quite strange. I can’t believe I am here really, but something compelled me to come.’

Molly nodded ‘I kind of know how you feel. Not completely mind you, but this thought of sitting with another man, is quite strange, it kind of feels like I am betraying a memory, but there is another side me that isn’t.’

‘It is strange how we can have two conflicting thoughts going on at the same time.’ you venture.

Molly just nodded, then Patrick continued ‘I think that is what’s going on. To emotions in conflict with each other. I had not really noticed until now.’

‘What are the two sides do you think Patrick? Is it Ok to ask?’

‘Yes I think so, I feel comfortable sharing here. Maybe it is the lack of trust, and I need to say, of women, please forgive me, and then the fact there is more life to live, and maybe I want someone else.’

He thought for a moment ‘Yes I think that is it. I am sorry about the women bit.’

It was Molly who replied ‘Whatever her reason was, we will never understand, nor does it matter. But from your perspective it was pretty horrible. That is all I am interested in.’

‘Thank you for sharing Patrick, what are the two things for you Molly?’

‘The second thing would be the same as Patrick’s I am thinking. Maybe wanting to be with someone else. The first is rather different, and that is being able to make room for a person, to co-exist with my husband who I will always love dearly. I suppose it is the two sitting side by side.’

She paused and added ‘But although he will always be a part of me, there may be room for someone new, and that would be a new adventure. I suppose I am complex like that.’

‘I think that is beautiful Molly’ added Patrick. ‘It seems like maybe you can’t turn love off. I suppose deep down, I still love her, even though she hurt me like she did. Is that weird?’

Molly looked at me and said ‘we have had many a conversation about this very thing. Maybe it is about our past and present relationships co-existing.’ At this point Patrick and Molly really looked at each other for the first time.

And it was at this point that the non-verbal part of communication started to take over.

You were wondering whether it was time to excuse yourself.

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo by Cottonbrow on



Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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