Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



Breakthrough Silence

Is there anybody out there? #14

This blog continues on the series ‘Is there anybody out there?” Feel free to read the previous chapters here

You have been neighbours for twenty years. You noticed something was up, and you had plucked up the courage to go and visit your neighbour Molly. Things had taken a a turn for the better, particularly between Molly and daughter Jessica, and you were celebrating with them. But there was an awkward conversation to be had, and you seemed to be the best one to bring it up.

So, as Molly had suggested, you had finished lunch, and were walking outside to take in the view.

Jessica started “You know, when life kind of begins in a new place, I had not really thought about how quiet the house would be, with no children. I suppose when you are getting used to marriage, and a lot of time was spent establishing my business, I had not given it much thought.

Molly replied “Yes it was hard at first, but we came up with some new traditions. These traditions revolutionised our marriage, and I know for me, I wish we had made those changes much earlier, maybe even right from the start. We were really really happy in the last few years of marriage. And I really miss him.”

Jessica was becoming quite interested. She could see the happiness on her Mum’s face as Molly was remembering. 

“Ok I am intrigued” replied Jessica.

Molly looked to you. It was time. “My neighbour has been really kind over the last few months. Our conversation has gone into many weird and wonderful directions. I think I can say her marriage has been enriched because of our conversation. It is probably a little tricky for Mum to talk to Daughter about this stuff, and it might be better coming from her.”

Jessica could not contain herself. “Please tell me. I would love to hear how your marriage has been enriched.”

You take a deep breath. “Well it all started off with smoke!”

Jessica by this time had found a seat, and was sitting down, and gazing intently at you.

“Well there was a reason the cafe spot, which Molly very kindly invited me to is still so special, and that is because of what always happened before.”

You pause, as you are just about to say the comment, that when you heard from Molly was a total surprise. Molly nodded and smiled which gave you confidence.

“They………………set the sheets alight.”

Jessica just stared. There were no words at this point. 

“You mean………?” replied Jessica.

“Yes that” you reply.

Jessica just sat there for a while, and then responded “Gee that is a thing to hear, it probably was best coming from you.”

Molly just smiled.

You continue “I have a confession to make. When I heard those words, it cut me to the very core. You see I have a very attentive husband, loving and kind, and I had not been trying very hard, in fact probably not at all in this area. I was seeing it as a cost, not a benefit.”

Jessica was starting to tear up.

“I made a change in my mind, that I was going to be more attentive in this area, and our marriage has been transformed. I was such a fool to ignore it.”

“Oh my goodness” shouted Jessica, and then she quietened “Of my goodness.”

“I am an idiot! I can see it all now, what a fool I have been! I need to make it right!”

Molly entered the conversation at this point. “Yes I really really miss your Dad. That is why it was hard for me, for the family to come into our bedroom. Too many incredible memories.”

You continue “When I had the realisation of I how foolish I had been, I planned a big night that evening, but there was one thing I forgot.”

“What was that?” replied Jessica.

“Well” you continued “because I had not been trying in our intimate life, and then I tried a big night, he did not really engage. You Mum helped me to see that he did not trust me in this area, and so he was a little reluctant. I went shopping and everything.”

“So what did you do?” replied Jessica.

“Well your Mum suggested that I pour my heart out to him; say how sorry I was, and then commit to him, but more importantly to myself there would be a radical change.” 

Jessica retorted “Why would I want to do that? I keep myself trim and fit, Surely that is enough!”

Molly chimed in “Who are you keeping yourself fit for?”

The realisation hit Jessica “Well I suppose for me, and my business. I have 10,000 Instagram followers.”

“Do you want to make a change?” Molly asked.

Jessica thought for a while. “I do love my husband. He is kind and does his best. Yes I do.”

“Are you sure?’ Molly asked.


You continue “Practically what it meant for me, after I had the conversation with him, and committed to him, was every time he approached me, I responded. Every time. For us, only after a couple of weeks, we got into a rythym we both enjoyed. In fact most nights, I fall asleep in his arms. And if there is a time, when I am not attentive for some reason, I will make it up to him.”

Jessica thought for a while. “Well it is time for change. Why did hubby never say anything.”

“He probably did not think he could” Molly replied. “Time to go home now. The car is waiting.”

So it is a little quieter on the way home. Jessica had much to think about.

So back home, as Jessica pulled away you comment “the camellia is looking quiet stunning now.”

“It certainly is” replied Molly. “Thank you. It could not have gone better.”

“Same time next week?”

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash



Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

If you like to keep informed of my latest news, please subscribe to my monthly email newsletter, by clicking the link below.