Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



Being present – a way to walk into a room

Being Present #3

As I have shared in this series, I believe being absolutely present with grieving families is at the very core of what we do. No two families are the same, and what is important and valuable to one, may not be to another. I suppose this is what makes us unique, and keeps life interesting.

In this time of post COVID-19, in the world of vaccines, and the world starting to wake up; well in some places anyway, it certainly makes sense to follow what the professionals are saying. Events, such as networking gatherings have certainly come back.

But if there is anything good to come out of those isolation, going on for days, weeks or months, there has been opportunity to reflect on how, we are as a person, engage in gatherings again.

Will we go to these events, trying our best to be the centre of attention, commanding conversation, and generally getting as much out of the event as possible?

Is there another way?

What about instead of looking at an event as something to get, look at it as something to give.

To be present.

Instead of the primary goal being to talk, maybe it is about listening.

You know, at most events, there will be someone feeling uncomfortable. They may even wish to be a talker, witty and clever, but they just don’t have the ability, and it feels rather awkward. So they stand on the edge, and look in to the groups talking,  struggling to find a way in, and so may stay for a while and then leave, wondering why they went in the first place.

A present person, when they walk into a room, will scan for such people, take note, and then in a quite natural way strike up a conversation, maybe involving them in a bigger group. The person, who would normally stand on the outer, will find themselves included and a part of things, may stay a little longer, and leave with a smile on their face.

This is the practical difference, being present can make.

Of course, if everyone were listeners, and there were no talkers, events would be rather boring. Events need interaction through which people engage.

I suppose, all I am proposing is be inclusive in your conversation. Those who can talk are so lucky, but with this, perhaps lies an opportunity to involve more people. After all, as a talker, you attract people, and so use can use this power to bring the more shy people into conversation. You will feel so glad and warm inside because you did.

A little while back, I remember being with a reserved young man, who had been invited to a large 600 person gathering. We were talking before about how such events normally work.

It goes something like, find a group, stand in the small circle, and eventually someone will say hello.

His response was, ‘well what do I say then?’ to which I replied, ‘maybe ask what brings you here?’

So there we were standing on the edge of 600 people, looking in, until at one point he said, ‘should we go in?’

So we did, we found a group, and sure enough he became engaged in a conversation that lasted aroud fifteen minutes. He did not think he was capable of intelligent conversation, but he discovered, maybe this was not the case. On the way home he was buzzing, excited, and had grown inwardly taller.

It ended up being a life changing experience, through someone being present.

Maybe when the restrictions ease even further, instead of coming out with both guns blazing on talk, come out with both ears listening and see the empowering and positive difference you make in the world.

Presence is a way of life.

The commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.  

Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash









Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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