Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



Assuring Silence

Is there anybody out there? #24

This blog continues on the series ‘Is there anybody out there?” Feel free to read the previous chapters here

You have been neighbours for twenty years. You noticed something was up, and you had plucked up the courage to go and visit your neighbour Molly. A little while back, Molly shared how love may be an option and had brought it up again. Now you had shared a coffee with ‘Patrick’ who was coming back next week. The world seems to have shifted somewhat and you were finding yourself having to visit a distraught Molly at 1am in the morning.

Molly answers the door “Oh thank goodness, I don’t know what to do.”

You look at her at she seems unrecognisable. Tear stained face, it looks like she had not slept at all, and as you go in, you notice dishes all over the kitchen, and the television blaring.

“Oh I will just turn that off” says Molly. “I did not realise how loud it was.”

“I will put the kettle on. And while I am waiting, I will get these dishes out of the way.”

Molly is just staring, and looking at nothing in particular.

You bring the cuppas over. “Where would you like me to put these?”

There is no response, and so, after placing them on the coffee table, you beckon for Molly to sit down.

“Molly” you gently call to her “Molly” you say slightly louder.

She turns to face you. “Here this may help” and you offer the cuppa to her, which she takes.

You wait for her to open up the conversation, but nothing is coming.

“Thank you for calling me Molly. Of course I was going to come.”

Molly just smiles a little, she is starting to relax.

You continue “It is Ok, you are safe now. It is just you and me. It is just you and me.”

“Is it Patrick?”

Molly just nods, and then comes out with “I just can’t do it. I feel like I am betraying him. What was I thinking?”

“The thought of me even entertaining this, is just so crazy. But I am!  But…………”

“Hey Molly. You are safe right now. I am here, and I am not going anywhere. Maybe we could take some deep breaths.”

Over the next minute or so, your both breathe in and out, in and out.

You also realise this is one of those moments where you are going to need to drive the conversation. Molly is just looking at you for something. 

‘Do I keep to the plan to meet him, or do we need to play it safe?’ you think.

Then a brainwave “You really love you husband?”

Molly just nods, and then adds “Yes I really do, I still do.”

“Do you think anything will take that love from you?”

“No nothing” considers Molly “He is still very much a part of me, and I like it that way.”

“What a beautiful thing to be able to say and to feel. What is a word that comes to mind when you think of him?”

Molly pauses for a while “Oneness. Particularly when we were together. But if anyone else was to come into this space, the oneness would go, and that is what I am scared of.”

“I remember you saying” you reply “that maybe, just maybe, there was space inside of you for a new love, a new experience”

“Maybe there is space for a new oneness, to sit alongside the oneness you felt with your husband.”

Molly just reflects for a while. You could see the wheels were churning inside her head. 

“Is this possible?”

“I suppose you will never know, until you are in it Molly. But maybe it is worth exploring.”

“And I will be here for you.”

Molly pauses for a while and then comes out with “Well there may be a way for me to think this through right now.”

‘Ok’ you think ‘There is a change coming. Better prepare myself.’

“I am just going to our room, and I am going to imagine me there with someone else. But I will hold on to our picture we had taken at the same time. I will see if I can image the two, I mean three of us, there together. I will call for you, but I just need some time first.”

She heads off, and you make yourself another cuppa. 

‘Phew’ you think to yourself. ‘I need to be ready for anything.’

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo by Neenu Vimalkumar on Unsplash



Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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