Trevor Hayley


Funeral and Life Memorial Celebrant

A Caring Presence for you and your family so you can Celebrate a Life

Servicing Greater Adelaide, Fleurieu, South Coast and Adelaide Hills Regions of South Australia



A Circle of Silence

Is there anybody out there? #13

This blog continues on the series ‘Is there anybody out there?” Feel free to read the previous chapters here

You have been neighbours for twenty years. You noticed something was up, and you had plucked up the courage to go and visit your neighbour Molly. Things had got very awkward recently, but ‘maybe’ things had turned a corner. There was a lunch invitation today, and you had made your way to the restaurant in a limo with Molly and her daughter, Jessica.

Molly has confided in you, Jessica had been struggling in her marriage, and as you had been reawakened in your marriage, Molly had hinted a conversation was in order. It was probably better coming from you, than from Molly.

Main course had just come to the table, and you had a brain wave as to how to lean into this delicate subject. It had to be natural though. 

You start “It was wonderful to go to your wedding. How long has is been now?”

“Five years. Doesn’t time fly” replies Jessica. 

“What fills you time up?” You ask

“Well I am a personal trainer. I have had to cut back a little, but my clients are coming back. In fact I have had to work really hard on my own fitness, because I need to lead by example. My husband is happy with a 9-5 as an insurance broker. He helps clients out with house and car insurance, and is really content with his work. They appreciate him, and he is kind of in middle management.”

By the way Jessica was talking, you started to get a bit of a sense of why things were the way they were at her home. But you did not want to jump to any conclusions. The next statement was going to be critical.

You continue “I have been blessed with a wonderful husband. He is caring, attentive. Really kind in fact. They are rare these days.”

Jessica was about to take a bite of her food, but then replied “If you could excuse me, I need to go to the ladies. Back soon.”

“Beautifully said” said Molly to you. “She does pride herself on her appearance.”

Jessica comes back to the table.”It really is a beautiful day and a beautiful place. I can remember coming here with you and Dad quite often. I can feel the memories flooding back.”

Jessica continued “I am so glad we have caught up as we did, Mum. It has been hard since Dad died, and we did not really know how you were going. We know it must be hard, but it has been tricky for all of us.”

“Yes I am glad too” replied Molly.”

“What are some memories that you have of Dad? What do you miss about him the most?”

‘Is this the opportunity you are wondering?’ But then you sense perhaps not.

“Well we loved going down to that cafe. When you all left the house we had to come up with some new traditions, some new ways of being. Those initial conversations with your Dad, led to some wonderful things. We were very very happy over the last few years. Him not being here has been really hard.”

Is this the opportunity?

But again perhaps not. Lunch was nearly over and you were just finishing your coffees.

Molly then suggested “It is a beautiful day. It would be a shame to not take in the view while we are here. We can talk more about your Dad there.”

“Yes great idea” replied Jessica.

‘There’s the cue’ you are thinking. ‘This may actually go better than I thought.’

And so the three of you make you way out to the lookout.

This commentary in this blog is intended to be general in nature. It is just some observations from one fellow traveller in life to another. If anything in this blog raises issues for you, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or consult with a trusted medical professional.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels 


Trevor Hayley
Servicing Greater Adelaide and Regional South Australia

Phone: 0409 107 372


ABN 73 737 609 724

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